Anxious, Excited, Nervous, Happy, Scared, Emotional
…. All the emotions that I experienced continually leading up to the visitation. December 2nd at 2 pm was a very monumental day in my mind. It was the day that the boy who was brought to me at 2 days old would see his mother for the first time in 3 weeks and it was a day that marked my very first visitation experience as a foster parent. My mom was able to watch my boys at home and a friend of mine volunteered to go with me to which I am so glad because it took a lot my feelings down to a normal level.
2pm had came and went, it was now 2:05 and my nerves were getting the best of me…mom walks in….whew…I was relieved. I immediately take baby and place him in mom’s arms. The bond between a mother and their child is unforgettable and undeniable. An infant who has not seen his mom since he was 2 days old immediately locks eyes with her and was overcome with peace and calmness. I was truly witnessing our Creators masterpiece and how perfect he has designed each and every person. After waiting around FOREVER so mom could do some paperwork, I instructed mom and her entourage (she brought 3 other people with her!) that the bottles and diapers were in the bag, feel free to use anything in there. I also handed a book of pictures I put together for her that one of her “people” quickly grabbed and started flipping through.
As I left I felt relief knowing I would be back and also knowing I would have a few hours to head to the mall (which would NEVER be possible with 3 children 5 and under) to get my 5 yr old some new shoes (cant believe the wear on shoes once a kids start school…sheesh). 4pm was nearing and so we headed back to pick up the baby.
I thought I would jump out, go in, load him up and go. Not the case… not the case at all. I walked in and mom and crew had the look of doom on their faces. I gave them some time and did not rush them. I let mom have complete control of the situation as I kindly encouraged her to put the baby in the carrier. This was overwhelmingly emotional and heart breaking. I tried to hold it together but I couldn’t. With every “this is so hard” “I will miss you so much” “They’ll take good care of you” repeated by mom over and over again I couldn’t take it; I lost it. I cried and I gathered, I cried and I gathered. Mom reached over, gave me the biggest and longest embrace and we were instantly connected. Upon many “thank you’s” and “you’re such a blessing” I felt honored to be the caregiver for this little one. It was difficult to cut this goodbye off but by now it had turned into 20 minutes so I had to do something. I started to pick up the diaper bag, encourage the mom that we will be back next week and told her to take care of herself.
What an emotional event! I didn’t know what to expect but what took place was a good “first visitation” experience. God had His hand on everybody there. I am not clouded though by this “good visitation” because after-all, there is a reason mom does not have her baby. I will continue to pray for her and pray for baby and that the plan God has for them will be evident.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” Jerimiah 29:11
Yes! Of course we will get a attached. Normal functioning people “attach” to people and things they care about. Parenting a child that you are not sure will stay in your home for 1 week or 1 year or forever is emotional especially when you think about how attached you are to that child.
It can be sad, happy, scary, nervous, challenging and lots of other “things” depending on the day and the child.
Our job is to make sure that baby is safe, nourished, held, kissed, bathed, fed and given lots and lots of love.
The attachment is very present but when the child finds his forever home whether it be with their bio mom/dad or an outside adoption we will know that our job was well done because we helped that child “attach” to a normal environment.
Attachment is everything to a child in foster care. If we don’t attach to these kids and show them what healthy attachment is then we have not done our job.
So whenyou ask me, “wont you get attached?” I will always answer “yes, that’s my job”
11-3-14 Well, here we go. Our first experience as foster parents. We got the call yesterday at 2pm. I was confused because our home study worker had not yet sent us our approval email but I verified and we are indeed “approved”. The call was for a 1 yr old girl and after asking lots and lots of questions (yes we may be paranoid but hey! we are new to this) we decided YES! We would love to take her. About 15 later the placement worker called back and said she was placed with family. Slightly relieved I thought ‘wow Lord that was a great first trial run, Thanks!’ (why do I underestimate Him, I always underestimate Him…one day I will learn our God has the perfect plan). While I was on the phone with the placement worker after she said it was a no go she quickly said ” BUT…. We have another 2yr old girl that needs a home. So just like that we had our next placement. About 9pm last night I hadn’t heard from anyone to see if she was on her way, was she being placed with us? what’s going on?. So I called to see if everything was ok. Baby girl was in fact not ok and was being admitted to the hospital for evaluation. Am I nervous? Yes! Am I excited? Yes! Am I sad? Yes! This poor sweet baby girl has had it rough and I haven’t even met her. Praying for her and our family that we can fold her in and love her as she was designed and deserves to be loved. Let the adventure begin!
A while back I wrote about the enormous electric bills we had been receiving from Edison and how it was comparable to a mortgage. I mentioned that we got solar and this is the first month that we have seen such a difference.
Our Edison bill for January was…
Although we still have a solar bill which was $90, between the two we paid less than $91 which is insane considering this time last year we were not even living in our house but "fixing it up" in preparation to move in and our Edison bill was $110.
I think we caught a break here and I am very excited that our $200,$300, $400 energy bills are in the past.
P.s. I LOVE watching the meter go backwards… I visit it at least once a day. lol.
I’m not a huge fan although now that I have children and it is always fun to find a reason to throw a party that is what I did… kinda…
I woke up Tuesday morning as normal, went downstairs, ate breakfast, watched a little news and then thought… ‘I should decorate since nobody is up and it will be fun to see their faces when they walk downstairs.’ Balloons, presents, hearts, pink milk, cinnamon toast (which they cut into custom hearts using cookie cutters) and lots of LOVE!
Ready for the party
Cutting Hearts out of Cinnamon Toast
The cookie cutter might be better than the toast:)
Happy V-Day from Blake
He was VERY excited although this pic doesnt show it
Later we went to celebrate with Blake’s preschool class to exchange valentines day cards and have yummy food (we brought cucumbers, cut into hearts of course, and dip. Here is Blake’s v-day card:
Blake's Valentine's Day Card:)
Blake collecting v-day cards from his buddies @ school
Last but certainly not least we went to Disneyland later that night.
Such a great day of fun and you may be thinking… what is all of this “hang out with the kids” stuff? Isn’t Valentines day suppose to be a day that you share with your significant other? My answer…
“well, yeah I guess, but we are not really into it and we can celebrate dinner, movies, flowers and candy ANYtime.”
Hope your Valentines day was filled with fun and lots of love:)
If you haven’t heard of envelope budgeting let me tell you… It’s the fail proof way of knowing where every dollar goes and never wasting a penny. The system is to have different envelopes for your expenses: gas, grocery, entertainment, fast food, or whatever your personal expenses are and then allocate a certain amount for each category and put that amount in each envelope. For example, gas=$300, grocery =$400, fast food=$100, ect. And these are monthly expenses. I use one of those according folders so I don’t have a bunch of envelopes floating around.
Here is my envelope… I got creative:).
Today while reading, these verses stuck out to me and I am encouraged to learn and apply them to my life:
:15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive you.
:21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will be also.
:24 No one can serve two masters… You cannot serve both God and money.
:27 , 34 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? 34 So Don’t Worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. “
:31-32 So dont worry about these things, saying, “what will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear? 31 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers but your heavenly Father already knows your needs.
:8 For everyone who asks receives
:12 The Golden Rule…Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.
:20 Yes, just as your identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify a person by their actions
Although we are not perfect we can strive to be more like Him by applying scripture to our lives.