Anxious, Excited, Nervous, Happy, Scared, Emotional
…. All the emotions that I experienced continually leading up to the visitation. December 2nd at 2 pm was a very monumental day in my mind. It was the day that the boy who was brought to me at 2 days old would see his mother for the first time in 3 weeks and it was a day that marked my very first visitation experience as a foster parent. My mom was able to watch my boys at home and a friend of mine volunteered to go with me to which I am so glad because it took a lot my feelings down to a normal level.
2pm had came and went, it was now 2:05 and my nerves were getting the best of me…mom walks in….whew…I was relieved. I immediately take baby and place him in mom’s arms. The bond between a mother and their child is unforgettable and undeniable. An infant who has not seen his mom since he was 2 days old immediately locks eyes with her and was overcome with peace and calmness. I was truly witnessing our Creators masterpiece and how perfect he has designed each and every person. After waiting around FOREVER so mom could do some paperwork, I instructed mom and her entourage (she brought 3 other people with her!) that the bottles and diapers were in the bag, feel free to use anything in there. I also handed a book of pictures I put together for her that one of her “people” quickly grabbed and started flipping through.
As I left I felt relief knowing I would be back and also knowing I would have a few hours to head to the mall (which would NEVER be possible with 3 children 5 and under) to get my 5 yr old some new shoes (cant believe the wear on shoes once a kids start school…sheesh). 4pm was nearing and so we headed back to pick up the baby.
I thought I would jump out, go in, load him up and go. Not the case… not the case at all. I walked in and mom and crew had the look of doom on their faces. I gave them some time and did not rush them. I let mom have complete control of the situation as I kindly encouraged her to put the baby in the carrier. This was overwhelmingly emotional and heart breaking. I tried to hold it together but I couldn’t. With every “this is so hard” “I will miss you so much” “They’ll take good care of you” repeated by mom over and over again I couldn’t take it; I lost it. I cried and I gathered, I cried and I gathered. Mom reached over, gave me the biggest and longest embrace and we were instantly connected. Upon many “thank you’s” and “you’re such a blessing” I felt honored to be the caregiver for this little one. It was difficult to cut this goodbye off but by now it had turned into 20 minutes so I had to do something. I started to pick up the diaper bag, encourage the mom that we will be back next week and told her to take care of herself.
What an emotional event! I didn’t know what to expect but what took place was a good “first visitation” experience. God had His hand on everybody there. I am not clouded though by this “good visitation” because after-all, there is a reason mom does not have her baby. I will continue to pray for her and pray for baby and that the plan God has for them will be evident.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” Jerimiah 29:11